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Joke thread
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USA Cinder VIP (subscribed member)
Commodore
Commodore



Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3234
Location: Washington state

Cinder is offline View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail View Cinder's Favorites
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2012 6:51 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


This might have been posted before. Don't tell me so.. just read it and enjoy it. OR not.


NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please.
Poland molossus VIP (subscribed member)
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Vice Admiral (Moderator)



Joined: Aug 09, 2005
Member#: 11167
Posts: 2503
Location: Szczecin and Warsaw (Poland)

molossus is offline View user's profile Send private message View molossus's Favorites
PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 2:14 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


Very Happy Great Cinder! Thank you!
_________________
"The piano keys
Are black and white
But they sound like a million colours in your mind"
(from Spider's Web by Katie Melua)
---
Avatar is from work of art by Drew Struzan
Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Lieutenant Commander



Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...

Wolf is offline View user's profile Send private message Wolf's Favorites are Private
PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:36 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


Very good one Cinder. Very Happy

A picture my Uncle sent me recently:



And for a joke:

Quote:
There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week."

_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering.
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