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 Cinder 
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
    
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 Posted:
Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:25 pm Post subject: |
 
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OH MICKEY,
YOUR'RE SO FINE,
YOUR'RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND.
HEY MICKEY.
HEY MICKEY!!
Face it, you didn't read that, you sang it!
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Thu Sep 24, 2020 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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Things that tell the truth:
Small children
Drunk people
Yoga pants
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Mon Sep 28, 2020 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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THE RAISE
Employee:
Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss:
Sure, come on in... What can I do for you?
Employee:
Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss:
Yes.
Employee:
I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise.
I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss:
A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee:
I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work,
pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
Boss:
Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain,
I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?
Employee:
Great! It's a deal Thank you, sir!
Boss:
Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies are after you?
Employee:
Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company, and the Mortgage Company!
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Fri Oct 02, 2020 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture.
As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. - Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention, and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her.
She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied.
“Don't Despair paid 80-to-1.”
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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 Dragonel
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Joined: Jul 16, 2008
Member#: 21881
Posts: 411
Location: Dragonia, US
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Posted:
Tue Oct 06, 2020 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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Just so Cinder doesn't have to do all the work here ......
What will eat more than a dragon?
Two dragons
Why are dragons so amazing at making music?
They really know their scales.
Which side of a dragon has the most scales?
The outside!
Why was the dragon wearing green sneakers?
Her red ones were in the wash.
What's big, scaly and bounces?
A dragon on a trampoline
Why are dragons such good storytellers?
They have great tails.
Two dragons attack a circus, and get away with two of the fortunetellers. One dragon roasted his, because he liked his food well done. The other didn't cook anything - he preferred his Medium rare.
_________________
If you can't stand the heat, don't tease a dragon |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Thu Oct 08, 2020 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows!
He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him . . . . . . but they kind of taste like peppermint.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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 607
Lieutenant
Joined: Sep 19, 2018
Member#: 46975
Posts: 221
Location: Amersfoort
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Posted:
Mon Oct 12, 2020 5:51 am Post subject: |
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| Cinder wrote: |
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture.
As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. - Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention, and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her.
She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied.
“Don't Despair paid 80-to-1.” |
I don't get this one, care to explain? 
There's an English joke I like that I might write up here later. |
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 Locutus76
Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined: Mar 21, 2004
Member#: 5698
Posts: 97
Location: Netherlands
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Posted:
Mon Oct 12, 2020 9:18 am Post subject: |
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| 607 wrote: |
I don't get this one, care to explain?
There's an English joke I like that I might write up here later. |
"Don't Despair" was the name of the horse the man put the $100 on. Horse racing. He must have thought she wanted him to bet on a horse.
_________________
"Speak for yourself, Sir. I plan to live forever." Cmdr William T. Riker - ST:Generations |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Oct 13, 2020 12:37 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Locutus! Yeppers.. a good horse bet for sure!!
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Fri Oct 30, 2020 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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Here's something to think about.
I recently had to choose a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am seventy).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'
She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.........
She looked at me and said.
'Then, why do you even give a shit ?'
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10 The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $300,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000
"Well, please let me have $3000 now", she The teller then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her.
The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.
The moral of this tale .......
Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Mon Feb 22, 2021 9:55 pm Post subject: |
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A politician was visiting a remote little rural town in Australia and asked the locals what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs,” said the towns people.“First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”
The politician whipped out his mobile phone, spoke for a while and then said,“I have sorted that out.
A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?”
The towns people replied,“We have no mobile phone reception in our town…...”
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Mon Feb 22, 2021 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small Canadian flags mounted on either side of it.
The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."
"Good morning, Pastor," Alex replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"
The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible, and trembling with fear, asked,
"Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Mon Feb 22, 2021 10:01 pm Post subject: |
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The Haircut
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son. “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.”
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said: “Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.”
The boy said: “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”
You're going to love the Dad's reply:
“Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Mon Feb 22, 2021 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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THE DEAD COW LECTURE
This is the best example of paying attention that I have ever heard.
First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body."
For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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