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ReijklinsGirl
Cadet 4
Joined: Dec 10, 2003
Member#: 4004
Posts: 15
Location: West Coast
   
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 Posted:
Fri Jun 11, 2004 5:33 pm Post subject: |
 
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 That's a funny one.
Ok, a co-worker told this to me as a "little red haired girl" joke. It's actually a blonde joke so I'll tell it the way it's supposed to be:
A blonde is working in a factory. One day her co-worker says " I think I need some paid time off" she replies " How are you going to do that? " " Watch me" He says. So, he climbs up into the rafters and hangs upside from a beam. The floor supervisor comes in and says " What in the world are you doing?" To which the man replies " I'm a lightbulb!" " I think you need some time off" The supervisor replies. " Why don't you go on home" So, the man climbs down and leaves. The blonde starts packing up her stuff and getting ready to go. The supervisor looks at her and says " Where do you think you're going? " The blonde replies " Well, I can't work in the dark, duh!"
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If you can't take the heat, get off my planet |
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 mellowman
Captain
Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Member#: 2939
Posts: 1119
Location: UK
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Posted:
Sat Jun 12, 2004 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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You know you are living in the year 2004 when:
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a
business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your friends.
15. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.
16. You are too busy to notice there was no #9.
17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9.
18. AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself. |
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GrooveMerchant
Lieutenant
Joined: Jul 29, 2003
Member#: 2617
Posts: 221
Location: Oregon
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Posted:
Sun Jun 13, 2004 1:31 am Post subject: |
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In the spirit of fun lists......
Top Ten Signs That Your Friend Is Becoming A Hermit And Is Addicted To Star Wars
10. Quinches when exposed to sunlight, rambling on about if he ,"only had a Deathstar"
9. Attempts to kill and eat family cat claiming it's a rebel spy
8. Locks himself away in his house for days attempting to become "one with the force"
7. Spends hours talking to garbage can, and when anyone tries to throw away anything become very agitated and tells them to stop bugging R2
6. Rides on top of lawnmower, then bitches about his "speeder bike" being too slow
5.Whenever anyone manages to drag him outta the house he keeps tapping his watch yelling that it's imperative the Empire not be alerted to his presence
4.Takes hours locked inside bathroom to "adjust lightsaber"
3.Continually trails off during speech about how he used to bullseye Womprats in his T-16 back home
2.Weaves body hair into convincing Wookie costume
1.Drives wildly down his street attempting to hit neighborhood children, yelling for those damn ewoks to get outta the way
_________________
"Don't you think that idea is a little half-baked?
Oh no, Dad, it's completely baked."
--The Graduate |
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Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...
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Posted:
Mon Jun 14, 2004 12:34 pm Post subject: |
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A small one:
A cute little girl with curly hair goes into a pet shop and teetering backwards and forwards on her toes, says to the shop keeper
"Pleeth mithster thop keeper I am looking for a litoo furwy wabit"
The shop keeper wanting to be customer friendly goes down on his knees in order to be at the same level as the little girl and asks
"Wet me thee. We haw litoo bwack furwy ones, litoo bwawn furwy ones and litoo wite furwy ones, which type of litoo furwy wabit would you like?"
To which the little girl replies:
"I don't fink my python gives a thit."
The language of the kids these days...
_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering. |
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Caray
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Oct 17, 2002
Member#: 243
Posts: 408
Location: France
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 3:32 am Post subject: English joke |
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Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.
_________________
My reality cheque bounced |
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Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 5:43 am Post subject: |
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Very nice Caray! 
_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering. |
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 megadith
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: May 06, 2002
Member#: 82
Posts: 265
Location: Arlington, VA
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 8:43 am Post subject: |
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Carey, that is one of the coolest things i've read in while. thanks for sharing!
_________________
Grab a beer, don't cost nuttin... |
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Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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lol, have fun on this one.
"actual submissions" on a series of quizzes, tests, and student essays on science submitted by David Hyman.
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
"When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
"A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering. |
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 Tron
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Dec 13, 2003
Member#: 4034
Posts: 319
Location: Belgium
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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Survival of the fittest
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Hurr78
Commander
Joined: Feb 12, 2004
Member#: 5061
Posts: 739
Location: Toronto
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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rotfl... good one, Tron. Thanks for sharing. |
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mellowman
Captain
Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Member#: 2939
Posts: 1119
Location: UK
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 3:55 pm Post subject: |
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Tron, that is hilarious! Oh, the harsh realities of life! |
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Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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lol! Tell me the missing ones are actually behind the mother, outside the frame of the picture?
_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering. |
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Hurr78
Commander
Joined: Feb 12, 2004
Member#: 5061
Posts: 739
Location: Toronto
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Posted:
Tue Jun 15, 2004 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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lol Wolf... We must not feel pity for those whom nature has selected against. |
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Caray
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Oct 17, 2002
Member#: 243
Posts: 408
Location: France
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Posted:
Wed Jun 16, 2004 3:23 am Post subject: |
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I don't think there's more than one baby duck. Look at the markings.
_________________
My reality cheque bounced |
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Tron
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Dec 13, 2003
Member#: 4034
Posts: 319
Location: Belgium
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Posted:
Wed Jun 16, 2004 4:23 am Post subject: |
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It is a joke, you know. So it's probably been cheated. |
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