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 Tron
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Dec 13, 2003
Member#: 4034
Posts: 319
Location: Belgium
   
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 Posted:
Thu Jun 17, 2004 5:34 am Post subject: |
 
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Turns out they did fall in, here's the rescue: Click here. I still don't trust it though. Why didn't the photographer save them? |
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Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...
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Posted:
Thu Jun 17, 2004 7:47 am Post subject: |
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You know what strikes me on these ones? The gutter grid is different. 
_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering. |
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 j2brown
Commodore
Joined: Feb 22, 2002
Member#: 9
Posts: 3188
Location: Sterling, VA
 
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Posted:
Thu Jun 17, 2004 8:18 am Post subject: |
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Very unlikely scenario:
Duck twins/triplets/whatever fall down the grate, get washed down a bit, and rescued at another grate.
Possible, but not probable, would be my take.
And back to the jokes:
A man owned a small farm in West Texas. The Wage and Hour
Department of Texas claimed he was not paying proper wages to his
help and sent an agent to interview him. "I need a list of your
employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well,
there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay
him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here
for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and
board. Then there's the half-wit that works about 18 hours a day.
He makes $10 a week and I buy him chewing tobacco," replied the
farmer. "That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," says the
agent. The farmer says, "That would be me."
jeff
sdg |
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Altoid
Lieutenant
Joined: Mar 22, 2003
Member#: 413
Posts: 125
Location: In jail. IM me instead :)
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Posted:
Thu Jun 17, 2004 8:25 am Post subject: Get this gorilla off my roof! |
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A man is watching TV when he hears a noice up on the roof. He goes outside to investigate and finds a gorilla up on the roof. The man calls the zoo and say, "Hey! come take this gorilla back to the zoo!"
A half hour later an old guy shows up and he's got with him a baseball bat, a pair of handcuffs, a shotgun, and a chihuahua.
The old guy hands the shotgun and the handcuffs to the man. The man asks, "Okay, what's the plan?"
The old guy says, "Okay, here's the plan. I'm gonna go up on the roof with the baseball bat. I'm gonna use the baseball bat to knock the gorilla off the roof. When the gorilla hits the ground, my special trained chihuahua here is gonna go after the gorilla's private parts. When the gorilla covers up its private parts, that's when you can slip the handcuffs on him."
The man asks, "Uh, okay. Then what's the shotgun for?"
The old guy says, "Well the shotgun is in case the plan doesn't go 100% correct. If I get up on that roof and the gorilla knocks me off the roof instead, YOU SHOOT THE CHIHUAHUA." |
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Tron
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Dec 13, 2003
Member#: 4034
Posts: 319
Location: Belgium
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Posted:
Thu Jun 17, 2004 9:06 am Post subject: |
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I hope it's a good translation.
Letter from prison in the U.S.A.
In a small village in Ohio, an old father writes to his only son, who's a convict:
***"Dear jack,
I Won't be able to plant potatoes and vegetables on my fields. I have tried it, but I can't dig anymore.
Usually you helped me, but......
"Your father" ***
A couple days later, answer from the prison:
***"Dear dad,
In the name of god! Do not dig in the garden, that's where I buried the VICTIMS!
"Jack."***
As a result of the censure on the prison correspondence, a couple of days later the FBI and local police force go to the house of the old man and dig the complete garden upside down, in search of the bodies. Nothing is found, the policemen excuse themselves at the man and leave. Next day, the old man recieves a letter from prison:
***Hello dad, happy about the garden?
Jack"*** |
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Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...
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Posted:
Thu Jun 17, 2004 10:44 am Post subject: |
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lol! very good one Tron.
_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering. |
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 Robert_Locksley
Commander
Joined: Apr 14, 2003
Member#: 980
Posts: 536
Location: British Columbia
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Posted:
Thu Jun 17, 2004 11:17 am Post subject: |
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GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is
either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.
MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the
unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed
by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out
there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this
can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their
tax dollars, and when I
say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took
from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the
other side."
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The
chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens
have to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook
-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of the Chicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
_________________
"Get it?...Got it!...GOOD!" -- The Court Jester |
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Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...
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Posted:
Wed Jun 23, 2004 5:04 am Post subject: |
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Ok, a new one:
Blind Pilots
Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms--both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.
As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin--but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die. . ."
_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering. |
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 mellowman
Captain
Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Member#: 2939
Posts: 1119
Location: UK
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Posted:
Wed Jun 23, 2004 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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An inflatable pupil goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day.
Bored in his history lesson, he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him and he pulls a knife out and stabs him.
He runs out of the school. As he gets outside, he thinks again "I hate school" and pulls his knife out and stabs the inflatable school. He runs off to his inflatable home.
Two hours later, his inflatable mum is knocking at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police. Panicking, inflatable boy pulls out the knife and stabs himself.
Later on that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable hospital and sees the inflatable headmaster in the inflatable bed next to him.
Shaking his deflated head, more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones:
"You've let me down; you've let the school down, but worst of all, you've let yourself down". |
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Hurr78
Commander
Joined: Feb 12, 2004
Member#: 5061
Posts: 739
Location: Toronto
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Posted:
Thu Jun 24, 2004 1:31 am Post subject: |
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Ok, here's something a friend sent me that you might all enjoy...
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University
English 44A SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller
In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
Quoting Prof. Miller, "The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary last name deleted."
STORY:
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth-when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman" she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anuudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion that vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't
allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
Asshole.
Bitch. |
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 Cocles
Commodore
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 15
Posts: 2587
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Posted:
Thu Jun 24, 2004 1:52 am Post subject: |
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And now you all know exactly what my screenwriting courses were like. |
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j2brown
Commodore
Joined: Feb 22, 2002
Member#: 9
Posts: 3188
Location: Sterling, VA
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Posted:
Thu Jun 24, 2004 7:16 am Post subject: |
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| Cocles wrote: |
| And now you all know exactly what my screenwriting courses were like. |
Just have to ask: were you the violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent or the self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium?
jeff
sdg |
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Altoid
Lieutenant
Joined: Mar 22, 2003
Member#: 413
Posts: 125
Location: In jail. IM me instead :)
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Posted:
Fri Jun 25, 2004 12:18 pm Post subject: Toothpick, please |
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Late night at the bar, a homeless guy walks in and asks the bartender for a toothpick.
Bartender hands him a toothpick, the guy smiles and leaves.
Couple minutes later another homeless guy walks in and asks the bartender for a toothpick.
Bartender hands him a toothpick, the guy smiles and leaves.
Couple minutes later another homeless guy walks in and the bartender says, "Lemme guess, you wanna toothpick, right?"
The homeless guy says, "No, I'd like a straw please"
Bartender asks, "Why a straw and not a toothpick?"
Homeless guy says, "Well this drunk chick threw up in the alley and I was too late to get the big chunks." |
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 FrozenHan
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 31, 2003
Member#: 440
Posts: 377
Location: Milwaukee, WI
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Posted:
Fri Jun 25, 2004 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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Why do they put ice in the urinals?
It tastes better
_________________
We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
--Tyler Durden |
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Altoid
Lieutenant
Joined: Mar 22, 2003
Member#: 413
Posts: 125
Location: In jail. IM me instead :)
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Posted:
Mon Jun 28, 2004 9:56 am Post subject: Yuks |
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Blond guy comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man. The blond guy runs to the gun cabinet, grabs a .38 and runs back to the bedroom and puts the gun to his head.
The wife screams, "No! Don't do it!"
The blond guy yells, "Shut up! You're next!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman is sitting at her desk at work and gets an urgent call from her blond husband at home.
"Honey you've gotta help me!" the blond guy pleads, "I'm working on this jigsaw puzzle and I can't get any of these pieces to match; I'm losing my mind!"
The woman reples, "Just calm down. The picture on the box can help."
The blond guy says, "It's a picture of a rooster but it's not helping, I'm so frustrated!"
The woman say, "Okay, okay, I'll help you out when I get home." *click*
The woman gets home and takes one look and says,
"Oh jeez. Put those corn flakes back in the box right now!" |
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