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 Cinder 
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
    
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 Posted:
Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:14 pm Post subject: |
 
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I think this guy qualifies for the DARWIN AWARD!
A man was driving thru an intersection when a traffic camera flashed.
He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding.
Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again.
He tried a fourth time with the same result.
The fifth time he was laughing near tears when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
$1,250 total.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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AdamR
Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined: Jul 22, 2009
Member#: 26242
Posts: 60
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Posted:
Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:09 am Post subject: |
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^ Haha...we have a few of those camera lights around here. Always stop for them! |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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You know you're a biker if...
- Your wife has ever asked you to move the bike so she could see the TV better.
- You have ever had to borrow a helmet for your date.
- Your best friends are named after reptiles.
- You own more black T-shirts then underwear.
- Taking your wife on a cruise means a putt down the interstate.
- Sturgis is your dream vacation.
- You ever quit a job to go to Sturgis.
- You only took the job to pay for your trip to Sturgis.
- Your only three piece suit is a leather jacket, leather vest and chaps.
- Your ol' lady can only eat a hot dog if it's suspended from a string above your bike.
- You buy your 3-year old niece a Harley Davidson t-shirt.
- You can identify bugs by taste.
- You think BLACK & ORANGE would make nice house colors.
- You think GOD invented winter just as a good time to get your bike painted.
- People know your a biker even when you don't want them to.
- One of your children or pets have either "Harley" or "Davidson" in their name.
- People have nearly died of starvation looking at all of your bike/run pictures.
- Over half the pictures you take have your bike in it.
- You stare longer at the pictures of the bikes in Easyriders than the naked women.
- You don't go a day without wearing something that says "Harley Davidson".
- The weather is too bad for riding and you start your bike and sit on it in the garage.
- You get hit by a car, break your leg, then tell the nice police officer, "I'm fine I can ride home".
- You see no use in going to a bar without bikes in front.
- You dream of owning a Harley dealership.
- You have a refrigerator in the garage just for beer.
- You pile boxes and laundry on your car, but your bike must have 6 feet or clearance in the garage.
- Everytime you hear a vehicle with headers you look for a Harley.
- When you plan a vacation you set up time to visit the bike shops first.
- You have all the tools to work on every Harley ever made, but not any to work on your ol'ladys car.
- It's impossible to see out of your car or trucks rear window because of all the Harley stickers.
- You refer to your bike as if it had a legal first name
- You have a heater in your garage so you can work on your bike(s) when it's cold.
- Your Christmas list has no words, just part numbers.
- Every magazine you subscribe to has the word "Biker" on it somewhere.
- One area of your house (other then the garage) is decorated in a motorcycle motif.
- Everytime you spend money, you think about what you coulda bought for your bike.
- They celebrate your birthday at the Harley store.
- You think 'Helmet Hair' is a fashion statement.
- You encourage your kids to go to the Motorcycle Mechanic's Institute instead of college.
- Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
- You fainted when you met Willie G.
- Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
- You've spent more on your motorcycle than your Education
- You have at least one ashtray which is actually a motorcycle part.
- You think that the Harley-Davidson plant should be one of the 7-wonders of the world.
- When she says "It's the bike or me!!" you have to think about it really hard.
- You spend more time polishing your bike than caressing your woman
- You have more locks on your bike than you do your house.
- Anyone who doesn't ride is just 'ok'.
- You can think of at least ten things we forgot on this page.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Wolf
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Mar 06, 2002
Member#: 16
Posts: 448
Location: Right behind you...
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Posted:
Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:55 am Post subject: |
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Popping in quickly, firstly to say hi and secondly to post the following joke and keep this thread alive (need to help Cinder out a bit.  )
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want
you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many
had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
_________________
Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering. |
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zgurl49
Commander
Joined: Aug 08, 2006
Member#: 15310
Posts: 824
Location: Minot, ND
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Posted:
Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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Ok my mom sent this to me today and I laughed so hard!
Q: What do you get when you cross PMS with a GPS?
A: A crazy b*tch who WILL find you
LOL
_________________
Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow. - James Dean |
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 SiriusCreations
Admiral (Administrator)
Joined: Aug 26, 2007
Member#: 18704
Posts: 4419
Location: Rotterdam, The Netherlands
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Posted:
Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:13 am Post subject: |
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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs... pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a chick with long legs and who agrees with everything I say.'
_________________
That's the beauty of music. They can't take that away from you. (Andy Dufresne)
Sirius' Concerts
NUTs & RATs |
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 tinkerbelle
Commodore
Joined: May 05, 2009
Member#: 25449
Posts: 2518
Location: Germany, Franconia
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Posted:
Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:27 am Post subject: |
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Got that joke from my cousin in USA:
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drove his Ford Excursion into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greeted him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro was. "Top of the mornin' to ya!" the Irish man smiled, doffing his cap.
As Tiger got out of the mammoth vehicle, two tees fell out of his pocket. "So what are those, lad?" asked the attendant.
"They're called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," said Tiger.
"AW! Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph," exclaimed the Irish attendant, "those fellas at Ford think of everything!"
lol
_________________
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
A. de Saint-Exupery |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:19 am Post subject: |
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SpiderMan knows where to hang out.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:25 am Post subject: |
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For all our techno folks who answer the phone day in and day out.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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 Istagi
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: May 15, 2004
Member#: 6652
Posts: 303
Location: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
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Posted:
Sun Aug 30, 2009 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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lolz
_________________
Try SCE to AUX! |
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zgurl49
Commander
Joined: Aug 08, 2006
Member#: 15310
Posts: 824
Location: Minot, ND
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Posted:
Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:58 am Post subject: |
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Again, got this from my mom in an email - made me laugh!
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
_________________
Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow. - James Dean |
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 bpewien
Captain
Joined: Feb 01, 2006
Member#: 13275
Posts: 1334
Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted:
Fri Sep 11, 2009 4:25 am Post subject: |
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Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER!!!
_________________
If our music survives, which I have no doubt it will,
then it will because it is good - Jerry Goldsmith (1929-2004) |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Sep 15, 2009 5:33 pm Post subject: |
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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,
And every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
I'm impressed!'
Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Fri Sep 18, 2009 1:22 am Post subject: More signs |
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Did I read that sign right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a Memphis department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER COFFEE BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE COFFEE POT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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 Dragonel
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Joined: Jul 16, 2008
Member#: 21881
Posts: 411
Location: Dragonia, US
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Posted:
Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
_________________
If you can't stand the heat, don't tease a dragon |
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