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 masked_platypus 
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Joined: Jul 19, 2007
Member#: 18358
Posts: 1179
Location: Chartres, France
     
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 Posted:
Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:20 am Post subject: |
 
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This is one of the idea of a group in the NASA research : the landing on the Sun!
Surely you can learn a lot from our universe by studying this star from the surface!
When they ask money for developping their idea was this argument :
"How about the heat?
- No problem. We plan to land during the night"
_________________
There is no problem that can't be solve without any solution |
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 Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:34 am Post subject: |
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One if those things that is fun to read, but not really a joke or a quote or anything.. just is.
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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 bpewien
Captain
Joined: Feb 01, 2006
Member#: 13275
Posts: 1334
Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted:
Thu Nov 12, 2009 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
_________________
If our music survives, which I have no doubt it will,
then it will because it is good - Jerry Goldsmith (1929-2004) |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Nov 24, 2009 3:44 pm Post subject: Password check |
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During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said she was told it had to be at least 8 characters.
PS if you're blonde and don't get it, just move on and don't give it another thought...
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Sat Dec 05, 2009 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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HYMN # 365
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
Sermon complete, he sat down..
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Dec 08, 2009 12:40 pm Post subject: |
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Ok get an Italian accent going in your head to read this one.
An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife: "You comma to de front door of de apartamenta. I'm inna apartamenta 301. There issa bigga panel at de front door. Wit you elbow, pusha button 301. I buzza you in. Comma inside, de elevator is on de right. Get in, and wit you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on de left. Wit you elbow, hit my doorbell."
The grandson says, "Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "
"What . . .You comina empty handed?”
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Dec 15, 2009 4:26 pm Post subject: Thousands Gather |
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Thousands Gather to protest Global Warming
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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 molossus
Admiral (Administrator)
Joined: Aug 09, 2005
Member#: 11167
Posts: 3308
Location: Warsaw & once in a blue moon Szczecin (Poland)
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Posted:
Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:40 am Post subject: Re: Thousands Gather |
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| Cinder wrote: |
| Thousands Gather to protest Global Warming |
Good one, Cinder!  Thanks
_________________
<i>"The piano keys are black and white,
But they sound like a million colors in your mind"</i>
(from "Spider's Web" by <a href="http://katiemelua.com/music/#KatieMelua">Katie Melua</a>)
Avatar is from work of art by Drew Struzan |
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AdamR
Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined: Jul 22, 2009
Member#: 26242
Posts: 60
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Posted:
Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:35 am Post subject: |
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I copied and pasted that list posted earlier Cinder.  Some of those were really good and wanted to share it around! Did you make them up? |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Wed Dec 30, 2009 9:23 pm Post subject: Blondes In Review |
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How Blonde Is She???
She was Soooooooooooooooo Blonde ..
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it..
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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 tinkerbelle
Commodore
Joined: May 05, 2009
Member#: 25449
Posts: 2518
Location: Germany, Franconia
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Posted:
Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:43 am Post subject: |
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Got this one from a friend today - a good start into a new wekk, I think!
Four Worms and a Lesson
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
The third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation - "What can you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
That pretty much ended the service.
_________________
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
A. de Saint-Exupery |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:32 pm Post subject: Do we know anyone in Colorado? |
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Colorado
A winter statistic:
Ninety-eight percent of Americans scream before going into a ditch on a slippery road. The other two percent are from Colorado , and they say, "Hold my soda and watch this."
You're from Colorado if:
- You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
- When the weather report says it's going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.
- It snows five inches and you don't expect school to be canceled.
- You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
- You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And then you make fun of them.
- "Humid" is over 25%.
- Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and away from the mountains.
- You say, "The Interstate," and everybody knows which one.
- You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard or ice storm.
- You buy your flowers to set out on Mother's Day, but try and hold off planting them until just before Father's Day.
- You grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.
- You know what the Continental Divide is.
- You went to Casa Bonita as a kid, and again as an adult.
- You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
- You always know the elevation of where you are.
- You wake up to a beautiful 80-degree day and wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow.
- You don't care that some company renamed it; the Broncos still play at Mile High.
- Everybody wears jeans to church.
- You actually know that South Park is a real place, not just a show on TV.
- You know what a "trust fund hippy" is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder .
- You know you're talking to a fellow Coloradoan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags.
- A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you.
- Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the Raiders.
- When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
- You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky," and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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bpewien
Captain
Joined: Feb 01, 2006
Member#: 13275
Posts: 1334
Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted:
Sun Mar 14, 2010 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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Hypnotism at the Senior Centre
It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre. Claude the hypnotist
exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance - I intend to hypnotize
each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique
pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light.
Claude the hypnotist said: 'I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch.' The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.
"SH*T!" said the Hypnotist.
It took 3 days to clean up the Senior Centre.
_________________
If our music survives, which I have no doubt it will,
then it will because it is good - Jerry Goldsmith (1929-2004) |
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 Dragonel
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Joined: Jul 16, 2008
Member#: 21881
Posts: 411
Location: Dragonia, US
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Posted:
Tue Mar 30, 2010 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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Don't know how well Yorkshire jokes will go over here ......
Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom ?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."
***
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"
_________________
If you can't stand the heat, don't tease a dragon |
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tinkerbelle
Commodore
Joined: May 05, 2009
Member#: 25449
Posts: 2518
Location: Germany, Franconia
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Posted:
Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:24 am Post subject: |
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Dragon - lol - it works well if you read it out loud ... lol
_________________
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
A. de Saint-Exupery |
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