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USA Finnster VIP (subscribed member)
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 23, 2021 8:04 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


How do you go see a concert for $.45 (45 cents)

Go see 50 Cent with special guest Nickelback.

*commence groaning*
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Netherlands 607
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 24, 2021 7:16 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


Cinder wrote:
The Haircut

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son. “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.”

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said: “Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.”

The boy said: “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”



You're going to love the Dad's reply:





“Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”

Ha, I like that one!
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2021 5:54 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2021 4:50 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


Dragonel wrote:
A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

I don't think that's how baptism works. Razz At least I've never heard of this practice of repeatedly baptising someone in hopes of bringing about some change...
Ukraine Locutus76 VIP (subscribed member)
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2021 1:30 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


Baptising, waterboarding... all the same right?
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2021 3:39 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


only that baptising has more long-term effects.... like the church tax Razz
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2022 5:21 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the Bay they'd be bagels

What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The Ear-iest

Why do people backstage say "break a leg"?
Because every show has a cast

What's the difference between bird-flu & swine-flu?
The first requires tweetment while the second needs oinkment

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Because it's pointless

Where can you buy chicken broth?
The Stock Market

What do you call fake spaghetti?
An im-pasta

How do you stop a Bull from charging?
Cancel it's credit card

What do you call ravens that stick together?
Vel-crows

What do cows look at most?
Cattle-logs

What do you call a sleeping T-Rex?
A dino-snore

How does a duck buy lipstick?
Just puts it on his bill

What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the dock

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear

What do lawyers wear to work?
Lawsuits

What's the best way to burn 1000 calories?
Leave the pizza in the oven too long
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 01, 2022 10:02 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


Was thinking about Cinder the other day so had to head over here.

A few music jokes and math jokes

What's the difference between a piano & a fish?
A piano needs a tuner but a tuna is a fish

How many composers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes four movements

Why did the pianist keep banging his head on the piano?
He was playing by ear

What songs do local aliens sing?
They like the Neptunes

Why was the musician punished?
Because she was treble

What big rock group has four guys who can't sing?
Mt Rushmore

Do you know why Seven Eight Nine?
Because you are supposed to have 3 Squared meals a day

What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless

What is a Math Teacher's favorite snake?
A Pi-thon

What is a Math Teacher's favorite bird?
Owl-gebra

Who is a Math Teacher's favorite King?
Henry 1/8th

What is a Math Teacher's favorite landmark to visit?
Times Square

What do you get when you take the sun & divide its circumference by its diameter?
Pi in the Sky

Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it's two gross.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2022 7:01 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


Henry 1/8th... that's not very big of you Very Happy
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