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 Finnster 
Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined: Oct 12, 2010
Member#: 29607
Posts: 52
Location: Atlanta
    
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 Posted:
Tue Feb 23, 2021 8:04 am Post subject: |
 
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How do you go see a concert for $.45 (45 cents)
Go see 50 Cent with special guest Nickelback.
*commence groaning*
_________________
http://www.rhythmhealer.com |
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 607
Lieutenant
Joined: Sep 19, 2018
Member#: 46975
Posts: 221
Location: Amersfoort
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Posted:
Wed Feb 24, 2021 7:16 am Post subject: |
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| Cinder wrote: |
The Haircut
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son. “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.”
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said: “Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.”
The boy said: “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”
You're going to love the Dad's reply:
“Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?” |
Ha, I like that one! |
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 Dragonel
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Joined: Jul 16, 2008
Member#: 21881
Posts: 411
Location: Dragonia, US
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Posted:
Tue Mar 23, 2021 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
_________________
If you can't stand the heat, don't tease a dragon |
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607
Lieutenant
Joined: Sep 19, 2018
Member#: 46975
Posts: 221
Location: Amersfoort
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Posted:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 4:50 am Post subject: |
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| Dragonel wrote: |
A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" |
I don't think that's how baptism works.  At least I've never heard of this practice of repeatedly baptising someone in hopes of bringing about some change... |
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 Locutus76
Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined: Mar 21, 2004
Member#: 5698
Posts: 97
Location: Netherlands
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Posted:
Thu Mar 25, 2021 1:30 am Post subject: |
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Baptising, waterboarding... all the same right?
_________________
"Speak for yourself, Sir. I plan to live forever." Cmdr William T. Riker - ST:Generations |
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 DieTeeFee
Lieutenant Commander
Joined: Aug 04, 2014
Member#: 36042
Posts: 291
Location: where the trouble is at.
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Posted:
Thu Mar 25, 2021 3:39 am Post subject: |
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only that baptising has more long-term effects.... like the church tax |
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Dragonel
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Joined: Jul 16, 2008
Member#: 21881
Posts: 411
Location: Dragonia, US
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Posted:
Fri Mar 18, 2022 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the Bay they'd be bagels
What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The Ear-iest
Why do people backstage say "break a leg"?
Because every show has a cast
What's the difference between bird-flu & swine-flu?
The first requires tweetment while the second needs oinkment
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Because it's pointless
Where can you buy chicken broth?
The Stock Market
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An im-pasta
How do you stop a Bull from charging?
Cancel it's credit card
What do you call ravens that stick together?
Vel-crows
What do cows look at most?
Cattle-logs
What do you call a sleeping T-Rex?
A dino-snore
How does a duck buy lipstick?
Just puts it on his bill
What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the dock
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
What do lawyers wear to work?
Lawsuits
What's the best way to burn 1000 calories?
Leave the pizza in the oven too long
_________________
If you can't stand the heat, don't tease a dragon |
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Dragonel
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Joined: Jul 16, 2008
Member#: 21881
Posts: 411
Location: Dragonia, US
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Posted:
Wed Jun 01, 2022 10:02 am Post subject: |
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Was thinking about Cinder the other day so had to head over here.
A few music jokes and math jokes
What's the difference between a piano & a fish?
A piano needs a tuner but a tuna is a fish
How many composers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes four movements
Why did the pianist keep banging his head on the piano?
He was playing by ear
What songs do local aliens sing?
They like the Neptunes
Why was the musician punished?
Because she was treble
What big rock group has four guys who can't sing?
Mt Rushmore
Do you know why Seven Eight Nine?
Because you are supposed to have 3 Squared meals a day
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless
What is a Math Teacher's favorite snake?
A Pi-thon
What is a Math Teacher's favorite bird?
Owl-gebra
Who is a Math Teacher's favorite King?
Henry 1/8th
What is a Math Teacher's favorite landmark to visit?
Times Square
What do you get when you take the sun & divide its circumference by its diameter?
Pi in the Sky
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it's two gross.
_________________
If you can't stand the heat, don't tease a dragon |
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Locutus76
Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined: Mar 21, 2004
Member#: 5698
Posts: 97
Location: Netherlands
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Posted:
Thu Jun 02, 2022 7:01 am Post subject: |
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Henry 1/8th... that's not very big of you 
_________________
"Speak for yourself, Sir. I plan to live forever." Cmdr William T. Riker - ST:Generations |
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