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40 Things That Only Happen In Movies
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Australia TheSnowLeopard
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 2:08 am   Post subject: 40 Things That Only Happen In Movies Reply with quote


40 Things That Only Happen In Movies

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.
27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).
30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

..any others??
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 3:41 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


lol, snow!
I've known several of those, but 40... Shocked

Had to crack up No.29, so true Laughing
If I can think of some, I'll post them. (I know, I say that very often, so you could make that No.41)
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 7:21 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


Lol! Nice find Snow!

Here is a choice of things to follow (taken from very long list I googled out after reading your post):

ELEVATORS
Movie elevators are always ready at that floor. But if the hero/heroine is being chased, elevator won't come.
If hero OR villian takes an elevator, villain OR hero can beat it by taking stairs, even if the trip is 20 floors.

ENVIRONMENT
Thunder and lightning always happen at the same time.
Heavy rain causes no loss of long-distance visibility.
Caves always have flat floors, and it's never fully dark.

HELICOPTERS
In movieland, there's an abundance of corrupt helicopter pilots. Villains have no problem renting a helicopter complete with pilot who doesn't mind shooting total strangers, or being shot at.
When a helicopter is hit by a bullet or rocket, it'll explode immediately if it contains a villain, but if the hero is on board, it will loose power, smoke will come out of the doors, and it'll just reach the ground in time for the hero to get clear then duck just at the moment it explodes.
A pursued hero, with the bad guys just yards behind him, can jump into a shutdown helicopter, run through the twenty-five item startup checklist, engage and spin up the rotors, take off and be out of pistol range before the bad guys catch up.
Bullets shot at a helicopter bounce off the fiberglass and aluminum "fuselage" components but make neat little holes through the plexiglas bubble.
Piston helicopters always start up with screaming turbine engine sounds.

HEROES
Stripping to the waist makes the hero invulnerable.
Heroes can go without food or sleep, with no measurable drop in physical or mental faculties, for at least 72 hours.
A hero will show no pain even during the most terrific beating, yet he will wince if a women attempts to clean a facial wound.

HOUSES
The hero lives in New York City working at some okay, but not particularly high-paying job, and yet he or she has a roomy apartment filled with nice stuff, generally with a good view, and sometimes a nice, romantic rooftop to go to.

INJURIES
When a hero suffers through car chases and crashes, he never has to worry about unfelt spinal injury from impact.
Characters that get shot will never go into shock.
The hero will always get shot in the shoulder, yet will be able to use his arm.
If you lose a hand, it causes the stump of your arm to grow by six inches.

MIDDLE AGES
Medieval peasants always have filthy faces, tangled hair, ragged clothing - and perfect, gleaming white teeth. (cf. Braveheart, any Robin Hood movie).
Horses never get winded, throw a shoe, etc., until the pursuing sheriff is right behind the hero.

MONEY
Gangster's Briefcases either contain weapons or banknotes. No one ever got coins at a robbery.

NIGHTMARES
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright ("boing!") in bed. Instead of just lying there going "eeewww!" as most of us do.

PHONES
All phone numbers begin with 555.
Don't give the person on the other end of the phone time to say what they have to.

POLICE
The police will never question the hero, even if he kills lots of bad guys

PREGNANCY & CHILDBIRTH
Most babies are born clean, with perfectly shaped heads and dry hair
Women who give birth are perfectly made up afterwards

CLICK
The phone rings. Caller says, "You better check out what's on the news on Channel 13". He turns on channel 13 and gets the report from the beginning.
All VCRs in films are always cued up exactly to the portion of tape you want to show someone.
You will always be able to backwind the tape *precisely* to the beginning of the segment you want to see again.
Freeze frame is flawless.


The full list can be found here:
http://www.moviecliches.com/cliche2.html

BTW: Are there any things that only happen in soundtracks? Wink
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:00 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


- Heroes and heroines hardly ever use the bathroom for anything but showering and looking in the mirror.
- Heroes and heroines never takes a shower to get clean (meaning, they never use soap or shampoo).
- Heroines always have tiny towels wrapped around them when leaving the shower.

Read this somewhere, can't remember where (and it was prob. in danish too, so..):
- When an man and a woman has spend the night together, and wakes up the next morning together,
her make-up will always be as perfect as the day before or even better.
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 1:24 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


Have you ever noticed that every action movie seems to have some Expendable character whose doomed to die from the moment you see them?
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 12:22 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


Asriana wrote:
Have you ever noticed that every action movie seems to have some Expendable character whose doomed to die from the moment you see them?


Just like the red-shirts in the original Star Trek shows! I know what you mean...and you can always pick them out too if it takes a little while before they die. If you don't really learn anything about them or if you learn a lot about them really quickly, they're doomed.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 7:36 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


Arya wrote:
Asriana wrote:
Have you ever noticed that every action movie seems to have some Expendable character whose doomed to die from the moment you see them?


Just like the red-shirts in the original Star Trek shows! I know what you mean...and you can always pick them out too if it takes a little while before they die. If you don't really learn anything about them or if you learn a lot about them really quickly, they're doomed.


Steven Seagal in Executive Decision, Drew Barrymore in Scream or Emilio Estevez in Mission Impossible.

Oh, and:

LANGUAGE - Chinese people will understand anyone speaking Chinese, Mandarin or Cantonese, on the first try, no matter how awful or indistinguishable it sounds. (A good example of this study can be found in Wayne's World). I'm pretty sure this happens for other languages as well.

NEW YORK - Someone will invariably be sent to the big city. This city, will be New York. This is more likely to be the case if it's a sequel. Characters will get lost on the subway. The movie will be filmed in Toronto or Vancouver.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 3:57 am   Post subject: Reply with quote


-) Computer passwords are easy to crack - they are always the third thing you think of.

-) When the hero and baddie finally meet, both guns are immediately lost and they’ll take it in turns to punch each other.

-) People deal with stressful, life threatening situations by making quick witted quips.

-) Shots fired at people hiding around corners always strike the edge of the building exploding some brickwork near the character’s face.

-) When a plane is low on fuel, it helps to tap the fuel gauge – this even works on multi-million pound jet planes.

-) Only men are alcoholics. But luckily, any alcoholic can quit drinking instantly when faced with an important challenge. Not only that, the instant he stops drinking, all his faculties return and he won’t suffer any withdrawal.

-) Dogs always know who’s bad, and bark at them.

-) If someone has “fixed” the foot-brakes in a car, the driver won’t use the hand-brake and gears to slow down – but proceeds to drive at high speed through a busy city.

-) Anyone who sheepishly picks up a musical instrument and is humble about their ability can play like a professional.

-) In a spaceship battles, weapons can only be fired when you are in visual range.

-) If there is more than one or two of an alien race, they are always roughly the same size as humans.

-) All members of alien species wear the same outfits, including clothing, hairstyles, and jewelery. This makes them readily identifiable. Aliens who do not dress like aliens are hiding something.

-) This may, in fact, be a consequence of the fact that aliens all have single, monolithic cultures: one language, one religion, one outfit, per planet.

-) Aliens usually speak english and have same colloquialisms.

-) Movie heroes in a bar will either order strong alcoholic drinks and swallow them down like iced tea or will ask for milk. The latter will always provoke sarcastic remarks and a fight will ensue.

-) Whenever someone looks through the binoculars, you see two joined circles instead of one.

-) Glasses never collect moisture when you come in from the cold outside.

-) Computer geeks and "intelligent" persons use them, action heros never have glasses.

-) A villain will always commit murder right in front of the window when someone with binoculars is watching.

-) People never cough, sneeze, blow their noses, or show any other symptoms of being in less than perfect health.

-) Menstruation is an unknown phenomenon in movies. Female movie characters are all immune from it.

-) You can eat as much as you want in a film and you'll never EVER have to go to the bathroom.

-) Vomit is portrayed by distant toilet flush. Nobody ever throws-up on the carpet.

-) A building that in real life would require several dozen carefully placed explosive charges for demolition, can in a movie be destroyed by a single bomb in a car trunk (see "Lethal Weapon III"). This bomb will cause no damage to any other building on the block.

-) There are always people carrying around large sheets of glass on the street during a car chase.

-) Woman falls to the ground whilst being chased by a bad guy, even when running over level, unobstructed terrain. Note that when a man and woman are being chased, usually the woman falls, then the man pauses and helps her up.

Corollaries to the above:

* Man will then continue to run with woman, holding her by the hand or preferably upper arm, even though this takes them both below the speed either one could make on their own.
* All movie women must be pulled along by their hands, even if the male puller is short & fat and the woman is a track star.
* All movie women try to run in heels, never stopping to kick them off.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:10 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


OK... so this list isn't all that new... but I adore it!

And, oh, it's so long that I was thrown completely out of the forum when I tried to put it all in one post...

Twisted Evil So... get ready for 11 of them... Twisted Evil

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:12 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:13 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Shocked Apparently there are rules to stop people like me... I get it, I get it -- no eleven posts... just three. Embarassed *wonders if she could've stuffed more into those three posts.......*
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:51 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


alien_avatar wrote:
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.


Of all these, some of which I've heard before, this is my favorite. Maybe the creature will even defend the overlord out of love and loyalty?

It's important to treat creatures well. My husband and I still chuckle about some Beast Trick skill in the video game Knights of the Old Republic II (Jedi Boogaloo). Without Beast Trick, any dangerous beast you encounter must simply be hacked to death with a sword, or shot. With Beast Trick, you can use your Jedi powers to calm the beast, make him docile, and then hack him to pieces or shoot him before it wears off. Seems kind of under-handed, neh?

As for things that only happen in movies - only really ugly women have facial hair. Fact is, many women do, but we never see them take care of it. The only exception is in A Fish Called Wanda. In one scene, Jamie Lee Curtis is shown using a depilatory cream, which I find an interesting nod to reality. Bikini waxing we hear about all the time, of course, whether we want to or not.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 3:18 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


In horror movies, the damsels in distress always runs to the second floor and/or the attic, which is always a dead end.

On a similar note, if you are running along a road, being followed by a car, you keep running along the road, and not down/up the hill next to the road where the car can't follow you.
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 4:27 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


bpewien wrote:
-) Computer passwords are easy to crack - they are always the third thing you think of.


Also relating computers:

Computers are always on standby and never need to be completely boot up...unless your uploading an important "save the world" program.

Computer passwords to important government top secert information are never computer generate password of letters, symbols, and numbers, but some easy and understandable word.

Break into someones top seceret computer and type in what you want to know and the computer amazingly goes to the right file with all the information in it.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 8:24 pm   Post subject: Reply with quote


Oh yeah, in the movies...

you NEVER get the Blue Screen of Death on computers that run on Windows.

nobody ever goes through U.S. border pre-clearance in Canadian airports, or buys duty free.

your grandmother will somehow get the urge to outrap Snoop Dogg.
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