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 Cinder 
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
    
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 Posted:
Thu May 15, 2008 2:01 am Post subject: The words make it all right! |
 
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What, you ask, is 'Butt dust?' Read on and you'll discover the joy in it!
These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-f eeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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weaponlordzero
Captain
Joined: Sep 15, 2006
Member#: 15677
Posts: 1639
Location: Louisville, KY USA
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Posted:
Thu May 15, 2008 12:01 pm Post subject: |
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Does that mean we're all "butt dust"?   
_________________
I do not wake up with thoughts of control and rebellion, but thoughts of purpose and righteousness and the empowerment to fulfill those convictions that define me. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Jun 17, 2008 7:35 pm Post subject: Current flavors of Jell-O desserts |
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Current flavors of Jell-O desserts
* Apricot * Berry Blue * Black Cherry * Cherry * Cranberry
* Cranberry-Raspberry * Fruit Fiesta * Grape * Green Apple
* Lemon * Lime * Margarita (seasonal) * Melon Fusion
* Mixed Fruit * Orange * Peach * Piña Colada (seasonal)
* Pineapple * Raspberry * Strawberry * Strawberry-Banana
* Strawberry-Kiwi * Strawberry Daiquiri (seasonal)
* Tropical Berry (prepared only) * Tropical Fusion * Watermelon
* Wild Cherry * Wild Strawberry
Discontinued flavors of Jell-O brand desserts
* Apple * Black Raspberry * Blackberry * Bubble Gum
* Celery * Chocolate * Coffee * Cola * Concord Grape
* Cranberry-Strawberry * Fruit Mold Supreme * Italian Salad
* Lemon-Lime * Mango * Melon-Berry * Mixed Vegetable
* Orange-Banana * Orange-Coconut (pudding) * Orange-Pineapple
* Passion Fruit * Pickle{ oh now that would have been interesting!}
* Pineapple-Grapefruit * Plain * Raspberry Mango * Seasoned Tomato * Sparkling Berry * Sparkling Mandarin Orange * Sparkling White Grape * Strawberry Punch * Triple Chocolate * Tropical Fruit * Wild Cherry * Wild Raspberry
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Jun 24, 2008 2:59 pm Post subject: History Lesson 101 AGAIN |
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For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a
condensed version. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.
These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together
were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and
less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing
up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to pester them big time.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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weaponlordzero
Captain
Joined: Sep 15, 2006
Member#: 15677
Posts: 1639
Location: Louisville, KY USA
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Posted:
Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:34 pm Post subject: |
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It all makes sense now...
_________________
I do not wake up with thoughts of control and rebellion, but thoughts of purpose and righteousness and the empowerment to fulfill those convictions that define me. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:55 pm Post subject: Older readers ONLY |
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I put this here because you have to be over a certain age to understand and enjoy. If you need clairification ask me or Two or that other older guy that was around a lot...
Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore---under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's "arse" all the way to Egypt.'
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly...wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these.'
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Thu Jul 10, 2008 7:05 pm Post subject: Good adivce really |
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Tips for Handling Telemarketers by Andy Roony
Three Little Words That Work!!
(1) The three little words are: 'Hold On, Please...'
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's 'beep-beep-beep' tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.
These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.
(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
This technique is used t o determine the best time of day for a 'real' sales person to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer!
(3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get 'ads' enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these 'ads' with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those 'pre-approved' letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.
Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 51 cents postage 'IF' and when they receive them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.
One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas.
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back! If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.
You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 51 cents.
The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...twice!
Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!
If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- I have been doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.
I ALWAYS send out the ads from one company to another! I feel it gives the person on the the other end something to look at. And heck I am from one city and they live in another. It is a good Thing!!
Oh and if there is return postage on something someone wants me to buy, I rip off all traces of my name and send it to them!! Say we could use screen names!!!
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:28 am Post subject: |
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1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.!
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
A LITTLE HE SAID SHE SAID TO FINISH OFF
He said . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . You wear pants don't you?
He said . . ... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ..... . . They already have boyfriends.
He said .. Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
READ THIS IF YOU ARE A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH
AND A
THE GUYS WHO CAN HANDLE IT
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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weaponlordzero
Captain
Joined: Sep 15, 2006
Member#: 15677
Posts: 1639
Location: Louisville, KY USA
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Posted:
Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:03 pm Post subject: |
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All I have to say is 
_________________
I do not wake up with thoughts of control and rebellion, but thoughts of purpose and righteousness and the empowerment to fulfill those convictions that define me. |
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 SiriusCreations
Admiral (Administrator)
Joined: Aug 26, 2007
Member#: 18704
Posts: 4419
Location: Rotterdam, The Netherlands
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Posted:
Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:30 pm Post subject: |
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Wow and it is even in the Trivia Thread
_________________
That's the beauty of music. They can't take that away from you. (Andy Dufresne)
Sirius' Concerts
NUTs & RATs |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:46 pm Post subject: TRUE trivia |
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Ok sorry... I shall make up for it. Here now is some real true blue trivia!
When Mark Twain was born on November 30, 1835, Halley's Comet was visible in the sky over Florida, Missouri. It did not pass very near to the earth that year, but its presence was enough to create a legend. Aware throughout his life that he was born when Halley's Comet was visible, Mark Twain predicted in 1909 that he would die when it returned: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it.... The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.'" He was right. When Mark Twain died on April 21, 1910, Halley's Comet was once again visible in the sky.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:49 pm Post subject: One more just to prove I do know good trivia!!! |
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Two more just to prove I do know good trivia!!!
In the late 1950s Lincoln City Football Club had a centre half named Ray LONG who was over 6 foot tall, and a left winger called David SHORT, who was only 5ft 4.
Another piece of football trivia, the great strikers Dixie Dean and Jimmy Greaves, were both aged exactly 23 years 290 days, when they both scored their 200th league goals!
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:42 pm Post subject: fond memories |
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I'm so old that I remember (food style)...
On reading the 'Boo!' thread, I started to feel a bit creaky at the joints. I realized--hey, I'm so old I remember when little old ladies used to give out apples (gasp) unwrapped (and usually pennies spooned from a bowl)--although these were confiscated for nonexistent razor blades.
And when McDonald's coupons were given out for Halloween, without irony, because they were 'healthier' than candy because 'they didn't contain sugar'
I'm also old enough to remember....
When there were only two flavors of Pop tarts, strawberry and blueberry, and they came 6 rather than 8 to a pack.
The 'old' Chicken McNuggets, all of which came in the same 6 symmetrical shapes
When ice cream treats from school cost a quarter.
Old enough not to be able to identify most cartoon characters on sugary cereal boxes today.
Old enough to remember when cereal had 'good' prizes inside, like Matchbox cars, new candy bars, and whistles and other plastic toys filled with wonderful parts toddlers could choke on.
Old enough to remember that, other than Special K or Raisin Bran, even most adult cereals and granola bars weren't touted for having antioxidants/high fiber/low carb/low calorie properties.
And old enough to have a grandmother who still called the refrigerator an "ice box" and could remember a milk man leaving bottles on her front door.
Spam cans came with keys. I LOVED those, until the tab on the can you twisted to open the can broke off, and you couldn't use a can opener to open the GD cans.
Having milk delivered to the house in glass bottles.
another reply ...
I grew up with a milk man and we had a milk box on the back steps until I was in my teens. It made a great place to stash an extra key if for some reason no one was home when I got out of school. I can also remember coming in from trick or treating and my mom going through my candy, not to check for anything dangerous, but to pull out one or two pieces that I could keep and then giving the rest out because the 250 "treat bags" she had made up were gone and we were still getting trick or treaters. {Cinder's mom did this too.}
And when I was in school they didn't sell ice cream or any other treats, you got "hot lunch" no substitutions or you brought your own.
This one got me...
Going to the drive-in for dinner (Bob's Big Boy)... oh, and going to the drive-in for a movie, too! We'd get into our PJs, the grownups would fill a brown paper grocery bag with popcorn (popped on the stove in a saucepan), and we'd pack as many kids and blankets and pillows as we could fit into the "way back" of a station wagon (no seatbelts, back window open while we drove). Sometimes we'd go in the open bed of a pickup truck. On the freeway even! Then we'd eat homemade popcorn and watch the movie till we fell asleep, always during the first feature, which was perfect, because the second feature was always the "grownup" movie.
So, what is your 'food age'?
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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 alien_avatar
Captain
Joined: Oct 28, 2006
Member#: 16007
Posts: 1342
Location: Berlin
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Posted:
Tue Sep 23, 2008 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Cinder wrote: |
| On reading the 'Boo!' thread, I started to feel a bit creaky at the joints. I realized--hey, I'm so old I remember when little old ladies used to give out apples (gasp) unwrapped (and usually pennies spooned from a bowl)--although these were confiscated for nonexistent razor blades. |
What?!
"Boo!" thread?
Unwrapped apples??
Pennies spooned from a bowl???
Razor blades????
...ehhh?....
_________________
"Welcome to the paranoia club; cheapest fees in the universe and membership lasts forever."
- Peter F. Hamilton, The Evolutionary Void |
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Cinder
Commodore
Joined: May 15, 2005
Member#: 10213
Posts: 3317
Location: Washington state
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Posted:
Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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| alien_avatar wrote: |
What?!
"Boo!" thread?
Unwrapped apples??
Pennies spooned from a bowl???
Razor blades????
...ehhh?.... |
Not sure what your ??? are for, but back in the day....long before most of SST were bone, trick or treating was safe!
I do remember one house the ladies were not home and left a big bowl of apples on the porch for us to take one.
That would never happen today. First off apples are too healthy! And probably cost too much. Second, think of all the evil ways folks could hurt children by giving an apple.
Coins, always a huge treat with kids, back in the day! But that is way lame idea now. Not cool enough!
For years the neighbor lady where I live now would make a treat. She only made it for the kids she knew and cared for. Again home made treats are only done for those we know, if at all.
For a long time I gave balloons. The little kids would fly off my porch so thrilled with a balloon!!! I often thought I would get water balloons back from the olders, but never did. Then I discovered they are covered in a white dust so as not to stick to each other. HA! I stopped when all the horror stories started. I could just see me going to jail for putting white dust on childrens trick or treats!!!!
No thanks!
Here in my town, the hospitals are all open for parents to bring in the childrens' bags of candy to have ex-rayed. They are busy that night.
_________________
A good sound track will let me relive the movie, I can cry over them as well. Hand me the tissues...please. |
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